I buried the dream of being fulfilled Life ends and it seems it was incomplete What's left unsaid is in this message That shows what happens in my trembling head There is no help and no compassion, There's only death ahead: the fear that never ends

How could I ever think this nightmare will someday end inside my head? Nothing seems to have changed because change means nothing What should I feel after all these years of loss? I find my memory in ruins I'll collect it, make it look like I can dream I exist in lifeless hopes and endless reminders That I am alone and still completely helpless Why? I can't end, I can't end this life I can’t keep, I can’t keep in mind That I can’t, I just can’t be loved It took me years to realize I'd like to end myself and never fucking feel a thing close to me Desperate attempts seeking of sympathy Empathy that I will never feel There's no more life left in me I can't feel it

I can’t say, is it night or day? I can’t find my face Nothing can help me to escape from this sleepless state There is too much to bear, enough now That's enough for my blackened heart I tear apart what has been left of my heart only to get the words that I’m barely saying Can’t see a thing anymore: forever closed doors separate me from my world of halftone monochrome How many times I convinced myself that I'm wrong I can't escape or get rid of this feeling I am completely alone all along I am wrong; all my words will be missed So many things left untold: it's gone So many words lost their meaning I poured my heart to this all that was misunderstood and ignored I cast off my soul I wake up and understand that I didn’t even sleep The moment when I grasp where these last few years have passed Aimless walking through the wastelands of my deadly inner world The only thing I hear is the echoes of a ticking death-clock Why? Why should I live like this? Why? For my whole life I've been ruined and left for dead

Dead hands dig me out of this deathbed where I have been buried underneath dead trees that grew their roots through me “- Is this the end of me? - This is the end.” It’s real. Dead hands pull me back to this deathbed where I should be I’m tired of being caught Inside the web weaved of wires Entwining my blackened heart Hanging on iron threads Сolors left my eyes ‘cause I failed this life and this life failed me Even though I’m dead inside there is something that has died inside me Dead hands pull me back to this deathbed where I should be This time it has been dug too deep: this is the end of me This is where I should be Inside the dead place where I live It's like the emptiness in my voice It's like the questions left in my throat It's like infected blood in my veins It's like this lifeless dead tree, which I am I’ll be here till the very end All I've had in my life is thousands of sleepless nights I’ve spent in this hateful shell I know that someday my noose will be tightened too thin I'm the casket of my dreams I can’t release what lies inside of me Сolors left my eyes ‘cause I failed this life and this life failed me Even though I’m dead inside there is something that has died inside me And I awake in the gloom with understanding That I returned to my doomed and lifeless state All I've got is emptiness inside of my colorless eyes

I open my eyes for one last time Returning to the past I’ve passed through this life filled of disgust I know there is no solace Another day is fading into nothing Thoughts slip through the sleeping sickness that left beneath my skin Waves of faintness crush my face Buried in the depths of my solitude I'm sinking in disgust I get back to all these days when I rot inside myself Sleep eats my eyes I feel words are burning my throat I remember every single thought that turned to these words from the hate I've felt through all these years Tied to the ceiling Can’t cut the rope that holds my past I’m almost dead Words that I scream can’t leave my lungs Oh, I am so addicted to all these memories that drowned and left to rot There is one word I can describe my so called life: Loneliness I’d like to fall to my knees but they are crippled and broken Infected by a heart disease I choke and choke and choke and Memories reflect the other side of my decisions Choices has been made, the shining sun is only a vision While my weary legs grow into the floor Everything I’ve denied has turned back to my eyes Wounds are still bleeding and I stay in the gloom and pray for the other life Cutting me down Cutting deep I get back to all these days when I rot inside myself Sleep eats my eyes I feel words are burning my throat I remember every single thought that turned to these words from the hate I've felt through all these years Decaying senses sink into my bones As death embraces my life I swear I feel how needles tear my lungs I can’t deny another disappointment So was it worth it? Live all this life to release these words that were pressed by my dead arms? I exist like a dead illusion Nothing left for me and nothing left of me Words burn my throat I’m so weak and all I had is now lost

I’ve lost all hope and I am the one who doesn't know how to be loved No matter how bad it seems for once I almost believed that I could be fine It's gone too far and it feels that I'm the one who has completely lost in time It was all a lie

And after all, I draw the line That cuts apart half of my life I wish I could be in condition to take these nightmares from my head I know I have a complex of myself, I can't pretend I wish I would have liked to paint me a brand new face and start from scratch this life A brand new life through brand new eyes with brand new guise If I could go back in time I would have not even tried I would have locked up in the corner at the back of my mind I would have never thought that would be so hard to say but I feel only disdain when I look at my face If I could go back in time I would have not even tried because I know I’ll be rejected till the end of my life I would have never thought that would be so hard to say but I can't handle this pain and it drives me insane I wish I could be in condition to take these nightmares from my head I wish I would have liked to paint me a brand new face and start from scratch And after all, I draw the line That cuts apart half of my life ‘сause now I know no matter what my body will keep growing cold If I could go back in time I would have not even tried I would have locked up in the corner at the back of my mind I would have never thought that would be so hard to say but I feel only disdain when I look at my face If I could go back in time I would have not even tried because I know I’ll be rejected till the end of my life I would have never thought that would be so hard to say but I can't handle this pain and it drives me insane And after all, I draw the line That cuts apart half of my life ‘сause now I know no matter what my body will keep growing cold I used to think that I could hide Behind the redness in my eyes but now I know my time has come I find a rope around my throat

I am barely hanging on a thin rope As my body is growing cold and I fall I hear my voice echoed back from the walls and there is nothing to call ‘my own’ I’m alone It's like a dream but I cannot wake up It's like a state from which I seemed I came out But I can't take, I can't take down these thoughts of being gone I can't be saved anymore As I return to the void What will be left of me if my life worth nothing? As my mind has been weaved of fears Seems like I’m out of time When my life is done everything becomes so much easier I have wasted all my time and I've turned to what I have despised When last line is drawn there is nothing more left for me here I will write an epitaph with my dead but still half beating heart I am barely hanging on a thin rope As my body is growing cold and I fall I hear my voice echoed back from the walls Cause there is nothing to call ‘my own’ Am I wrong? I had a choice that has ruined my life I had a countless wasted and sleepless nights Where I rethinking all of my thoughts About the seeming meaning of every repeating word I wish I could stop being who I am, stop living in this ugly shell I am so ashamed: won’t convey it in words I have nowhere left to go, even to heavens I'd like to get out of my head I'd like to lock it and block it and never return to it I would like, I would like to forget about everything I’ve had I spent my life in regret As I return to the void What will be left of me if my life worth nothing? As my mind has been weaved of fears When my life is done everything becomes so much easier I have wasted all my time and I've turned to what I have despised When last line is drawn there is nothing more left for me here I will write an epitaph with my dead but still half beating useless heart I am out of time

It's time to put my feelings away Hoping for something better was a mistake Disgust the only thing that remained ‘cause all I've found was loathful and fake And every breath is colder I drown in frozen air Another year of early frosts that seems to never end Dead horizons will embrace my eyes again I can’t remove myself from this place of death There will be a memorial of my ruined hopes built on desperation and entombed remains of my lost thoughts How come I am so helpless? Without any senses I'm stranded here alone I tie the ropes hanging down from every tree in this place around my throat; so I'll never feel like I’m disconnected It's time to put my feelings away Hoping for something better was a mistake Disgust the only thing that remained ‘cause all I've found was loathful and fake It took too much from me to contain my unshared emotions and feelings There is no way to get out from here though I keep every moment in my memory And I will always remember how I had the same thoughts; the same room, the same place but at the age of six I'm still there but eighteen years older and now it's time to watch me fall and stop to breathe My mind plays moments in reverse I scroll my life inside my head Aghast, I’m finding that the rope Is gently wrapped around my neck My heart is fully decomposed And now it's almost lost it sense My body is numb, it's almost frozen And I keep moving to the end Now I'm here Watch me fall from the limbo to the floor There's no life left in me though it seems like it's not meant to be I see heavens are fading in layers of dirt I've been waiting for years till the last curtain falls So I'll see that the worst lies ahead 'cause I've never felt anything more than regret There is no way out, no escape This place is death I’m still counting the days with my frail empty hands Locked up for twenty four years in this room Trapped in the past where I’m sinking alone In my anger and this hateful disgust Years pass me by I can't close my weathered eyes And I spent my last days watching my whole life from the other side Eyes are so used to dark while these blackened heavens are hanging as impending death Desolated and hopeless sense of despair Is locked inside of me With no way to release How long can I remember this with trembling in my hands? I've lived this life unloved, depressed and disregarded Eyes are glazed over once again Last heavy breath And my body hits the floor Death is all I can see My inner world becomes my tomb I won't be able to breathe again in this ugly shell Life lived in fear

When nightmares come to life my body becomes so numb Now I see death in everything In every breath and every sound As everything has it’s end The end of me is right here Did I offer my time to be here buried in fragments of my memory? I've been drowning all my life And I've finally drowned But I don’t even know what is like not to be alone And this is the worst part Rooted to the ground Chained to my deathbed Where I ravaged my mind Does it look like I ever could believe in anything but my own death? Cut down trees falling to the ground completely soaked in blood Through the darkest prism of death to the outlines of leaden clouds and sky I draw the end of my timeline Was it my fault that I have tried to keep my desolated life the only way I can? If all the ways will lead me to this place of death "I wish I'd live another life the other time 'cause I will never know is how to be loved or to feel alive or just not to be alone" - my last words, released from silence of my dead thoughts I have too much to say but every word could be the last and I tried but failed to save my future from the past I have never programmed myself to be a broken man I wish I could be loved but every time I failed it slowly ripped my life apart "I wish I'd live another life the other time 'cause I will never know is how to be loved or to feel alive or just not to be alone" - my last words, released from silence of my dead thoughts Words are like shards of broken glass: can't feel throat anymore Deep in my lungs they will rot forevermore How can I fill the void that grow inside of me for all my life without love, without trust? This life is done: let me start another one I have too much to say but every word could be the last and I tried but failed to save my future from the past I have never programmed myself to be a broken man I wished I could be loved but every time I failed it slowly ripped my life I know it's over and I did all that could to bring all my thoughts to life, show what they've put me through and in sufferings I find sufferings; nothing more as my body is growing cold I'm at a loss for words but I will tear them out of me ‘cause I can't left them untold There’s one last thing to say That I’m finally used to emotional pain I accepted the fact that I’ll be all alone There is nothing of mine in this life of my own I don't know: Am I sleeping or am I just not alive? I used to wake up in fear every night There's no reason to find my place in this life ‘cause I am already going to die And I spent one more day, and I spent one more month, one more year waiting for what will never comes Self-defeated Self-absorbed Self-compassion, that left me dead on the floor And in sufferings I find sufferings: nothing else As my life has been laid to waste All I see is death All I feel is death All I have is death